Tuesday, January 19, 2010


I'm full of stories/experiences/life lessons. One friend in particular is always a good listener and we are always telling stories and he often suggests that I've lived the life of ten different people. I on the other hand don't think this way, maybe it's because I lived it and everything I've done does not seem to be abnormal/interesting/cool to me. I do not think I am interesting or talented at all, I'm just full of information and skills that I've acquired throughout the years (most by teaching myself, I love love love to learn new things and don't think that will ever change) but he raves about me to people such as his hair stylest and friends, who in turn think I'm awesome even though they have never met me. It's weird and I feel like if I were to ever meet some of these people I wouldn't live up to their expectations.

He joined me in my trip to MN and on the ride home we started talking about when I was 18 and I was known as "crazy Amanda". He said he would have liked to have known me then. The truth is he wouldn't have liked me, I didn't even like myself and thinking about it makes it all come back. I wasn't a horrible person, but I wasn't a great person either. I didn't make things easy on people and only cared about myself. I lost touch with my true friends and family (who thankfully took me back with open arms).

With age comes change....sometimes. The only reason I was able to get out of my funk is because of my son and the responsibility that came with him. Without him I know for a fact I would not be in a good place or situation right now. I am thankful for him everyday and he pushes me to be a better person. All of the friends I hung out with back then are still in the same situation and I don't see them coming out anytime soon. I'm just glad I escaped. I don't think he will ever know how much he means to me.
Me and the boy

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